Im at strip club and am horny
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All the doctor said was why
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
