Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel great
I just peed on a car
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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