Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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