You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
