and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
