god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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