Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
