4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
