Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
