Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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