i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's never too late to be topless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize