Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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