STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
