Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
