Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
