This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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