I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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