Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
