i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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