Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
