Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
