I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
