im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
