I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
