You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
