you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My balls are so social today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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