and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize