Sry I called you an 8
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
