Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
