Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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