The best revenge is premature balding
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
