Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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