pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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