just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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