I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
