When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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