Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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