Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
