told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
