We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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