i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
