jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize