I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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