I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
