this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
