We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
