I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
