I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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