sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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