and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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