i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
