Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm bleeding and have questions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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