I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
