I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
