I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
