i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
