Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
