i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
