If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
