dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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