She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
