Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
