At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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