I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
