Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
