He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
