Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can you repeat that, but with context?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
