Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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