allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
