I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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