May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
