Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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