T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
