Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
